Sunday, 13 March 2011

How I Get Through Anxiety

One way i endeavor anxiety is writing quick poems to release my exasperate intuition. I'm going to introduce a couple of my poems every week or so, i love to write poems i may not be the best but i feel they give out a sense of humbleness.

 The first one I'm going to introduce is one i wrote when my ex was cheating on me:

Faded love.

My love has gone,
The one I fallen for,
Cheating, illicit deceit,
Misleading my heart,
For personal gain,
My love has faded,
For the one my heart had fallen for,
My love has faded,
Faded into abyss,
Faded love.

 During this time i was intense pain and unhappiness, i wrote numerous poems but this one i think gives out allot of understanding.

Finally my second on i wrote to a girl i really like but she had a boyfriend, it doesn't really seem like a matter of importance but the problem is i have horrible anxiety and it kicked into to a sense of regret and and enviousness.

I see you in the morning,
But your back is all I see,
My trembling veins cry out for help,
Help me stop this tainted love,
But all I perceive is my heart,
Loving something so tainted,
Something that will remain,
Tainted, as my love I have for you.

Thank-you for reading please comment bad or good, either way it's positive for me so i can improve for future reference. 

Thanks :)

Thursday, 17 February 2011

How Anxiety Affects Me

What is anxiety? most people have it, well everyone has it at-least once. Most people ridicule the ones whom are affected by anxiety. (if you don't wanna read the symptoms scroll down to read story of my life and how i developed GAD)

What is anxiety or GAD? 
Generalized Anxiety Disorder is diagnosed when a person worries excessively for a period longer than 6 months. People with GAD cannot get rid of their concern, even when they logically know that the situation is not appropriate for the high amount of worry. Common symptoms of GAD include:
  • difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep
  • fatigue
  • headaches
  • muscle tension
  • difficulty swallowing
  • irritability
  • nausea
  • feeling out of breath
  • hot flashes
  • inability to relax
  • feeling of restlessness
The symptoms can range from mild, where the person can still function, hold down a job, etc. to severe, in which the person cannot perform daily activities. Generalized Anxiety Disorder has an incredibly high correlation with depression, therefore many people have both.Risk Factors:
  • A buildup of stress
  • A serious or prolonged physical illness
  • A personality type or disorder more prone to anxiety
  • An anxiety disorder in the family
Treatment: Again, since there are so many different theories pertaining to psychiatric disorders, there are many different methods of treatment. However, since I am focusing on the biological component to this disorder, it is important to describe the popular biological treatments.
Those with GAD are typically prescribed anti-anxiety drugs, which include benzodiazepines. Benzodiazepines function by binding GABA to the appropriate neuro-receptor sites. Common benzodiazepines include: Xanax, Valium, Ativan, and more.

How I developed GAD.

It may not mean much for the average individual, personally i'm affected by anxiety and depression on a daily basis. I have constantly deprived myself of sleep, i'm constantly going to lectures on the brink of collapsing. During this time i'm unable to talk to people with a common state of mind as i'm constantly wondering if i'm going to offend them with certain sentences i'm about to convey. 

Going out is a hard task looking into peoples glares, constantly thinking someone is going to hurt, or verbally abuse me. All this channels back to my past, i was overweight, unattractive, constantly bullied but didn't have the confidence to tell my father as he would tell the teachers, doing this would perspire into intense beatings. It didn't end at school my dad was an alcoholic, 80% of the time he was drunk and who could blame him after two failed marriages. Taking out his anger is what he did to me, i came home and was punched, hit on walls, and shouted at. Wherever i went i was scared, nowhere to go. 

This is when i developed my compulsive eating disorder, i constantly ate until i threw up, shaking as i were in alaska wearing just my undergarments. Every relationship iv'e had has ended in disaster, my ex cheated on me, i've been dominated as i'm always scared that the girl is going to break up with me, i always accepted everything and slaved for them. One girl i talked to recently, i ask her "what kind of boys do you like"? she replies "skinny nerdy ones" I barely ate for two weeks, i could of died. I've constantly moved and making friends is a hard task for one such as myself, the ones i do have live miles away and i'm honored that they would welcome me into there lives. 

I have written a poem to represent my feelings.


Anxiety, an intense sense of a fortified fortress,
Parrying all senses of normality,
As I shuffle out into the grievous world in lonesomeness,
My speculative cognition connecting,
With every living scowl,
Scowls starring into my soul,
As my mind processes rigmarole into my membrane,
I ponder,
As my body descents into anxiety,
I ponder.

My Friend Jamie

I have good friend named Jamie, he suffers from the same condition as i, but his is more severe. When he was younger, he didn't have the best father, him mum was a schizophrenic and suffered from post traumatic stress and was on medication to get better. During this time his dad moved away to Wales with another woman, soon after this perspired she and jamie both moved to a rough family whom are all criminals. Two- three years after his dad moved back to scotland so jamie was able visit his father every weekend, but his mum took another break down. She was enable to look after Jamie so he ended up moving to his dads. Jamie enrolled into a new school and had to make new friends, his inability to make friends ended up in solidarity. 

Jamies mum got fitter and was able to move back into her home, during this time jamie had a girlfriend whom he spent allot of time with, she cheated on him various times but still stuck with her (he was young and nieve). He got her pregnant (accidentally) but rejected to an abortion, eventually the baby was born and everything spirald down hill, constant arguments, physical fighting, till she could take no more. She took the baby girl and moved to England to live with her family. Jamie was in emotional pain, he had no friends to support him, and family just neglected him in his emotional state.

Soon after Jamie pulled his socks up and vowed to himself that he would get his life back on track, Jamie applied to study media in college things improved ever-since he moved in with big shaun, but anxiety's still lingering.  

Please comment, bad reviews is positive for me so i can improve my future blogs.